If there is a god then, this year, he/she has surely decided to be very literal-minded indeed. I wished I could have a short break – I was sick with swine flu for three weeks.
I wished not to hear another musical rehearsing for a little while, because for the previous three weeks I had two of them rehearsing in rooms neighbouring my home office – one downstairs, one next door – and the Council pitched up and gave us three days’ notice of some 19 weeks of ’street improvements’.
Among the bracing rhythms of the jackhammers, diggers and angle grinders I regained my appreciation of Sondheim and Lloyd Webber… but my wish for the */=+$?! Council to hurry up and finish their work went unheeded. I was starting to feel like a character in a Terry Pratchett novel.
So I’ve been a touch cautious about wishing for things of late, except where it was something I could safely wish for on here without bringing down a dose of divine misinterpretation. I was clearly not precise enough in my other wishes, but I have learned my lesson for the future. I no longer wish for good weather, because that requires some subjective evaluation. Instead I wish for a day of clear blue skies, bright sunshine, low humidity and zero precipitation, preferably with a temperature in the mid-seventies. I’m pleased to report that this wish has thus far been met with divine indifference, so I must be doing something right.
If you think this is a little extreme, you’re probably right, but it’s nothing compared to one American man, who has a very clear wish of his own he would like to fulfil. The Finding My Goddess web site could be described as a technical specification for the ideal woman the site’s owner, Mark, wishes to find. It’s extraordinarily detailed, both about the goddess Mark is seeking, and the man himself – possibly more so than is necessary, as I’m sure most potential goddesses don’t need to know he’s a tantra master, for example.
I’ve been watching the site for the last few months, curious to see whether the goddess would be found and, as of September 3rd, it would appear the goddess has indeed been discovered living in Europe. And yet…
While most of us would confess to having an ideal in mind when discussing a partner, we talk in terms of general traits – hair or eye colour, good sense of humour, level of educational attainment, common interests. Likewise, whe we post a wish for a product or service on YouWish, we have some general characteristics in mind, certain criteria that need to be fulfilled. But in most cases, we don’t define it down to the nth degree, not least because that’s closing off other opportunities. It acknowledges we may not have things quite right, and that we’re open to alternate ways of achieving the same goal, perhaps with a better solution than we might originally have imagined.
So what happens now for Mark and his goddess? While she apparently meets all his extensive criteria, he’s still soliciting back-up applications. To date, all we on the outside can know is that she has ticked all the many boxes on his list. But where’s the fun in that? Where’s the spark? I can’t help wondering whether the woman in question has found a lover or an employer, given the nature of the recruitment process.
If we are not open to be surprised, delighted, contradicted even, where is the joy in life? Pleasure can be anticipated, and may indeed live up to expectations, but to rule out the spontaneity of attraction, whether it be to people, products or services, strikes me as terribly sad.
Fortunately, for the rest of us at least, the god of divine misinterpretation is there to make sure our best efforts to eliminate the unexpected are thwarted. My swine flu resulted in my husband and toddler son only contracting mild versions of the illness instead of catching a nastier, mutated version later in the year, while I finally got some precious sleep.
The Council effectively closing our arts space down through noise pollution made us fear for our livelihood (and the roof over our heads) but it also allowed us much-needed time to upgrade the spaces and even take on a booking for Woody Allen to film here with Antonio Banderas, which has resulted in more enquiries for future projects. Even Tower Hamlets Council were prepared to move their diggers elsewhere for the sake of that one week.
No matter how extensive Mark’s list, it can’t encompass the whole of any human being, and even the most detailed of specifications falls short of simple human nature and its ability to contradict both description and prediction.
So let’s wish Mark and his goddess every happiness, but with a friendly word of caution. I know from his web page that he’s not a rock fan. So he may not be familiar with a certain Rolling Stones lyric that he might wish to bear in mind: You can’t always get what you want but sometimes, you just might find… you get what you need.
